User blog:Versus Zero/My new Reviews
I'm going to make all the reviews of my previous account, again from scratch, for many reasons. One I disabled my first account, second my reviews got a bad review, third since back when I joined, while I knew good English, I didn't really have proper spelling in my blog, mostly because I used to write too casually. Also forth, the only reason I made my first review blog in the first place, was because everyone else was making one. Now why am I making a review blog again? Because I want to correct the mistakes I did in the first and make better reviews. I'll be keeping my old rating system: Those are my ratings: *20: Legendary *19: Great *18: Awesome *17: Well done *16: Pretty good *15: Good Enough *14: Good *13: Could be better *12: Mediocre *11: Not good *10: Almost bad *9: Bad *8: Horribly written *7: Lame *6: You're close to reach a new low *5: At least you tried. *4: A little(lot) more effort would be nice. *3: Well things aren't looking good from now on. *2: At least you can use the edit button *1: Take a point, so you won't feel bad *0: Good for you, not many fan fictions will reach this level. *-1: This is just for stories that I hate (Now you'll have to wait a bit for the reviews, but I'll try to post them soon.) Notes *If I find that I'm bored with a fan fiction while reading it, I'll stop reading it right away, if it is a story that I have already started reviewing, I'll stop the review and review another fan fiction. The reason is that if a story isn't even interesting enough for me to read, then it's not really worthy of being reviewed, since it will get a bad review anyway. *If you don't like the review that your story got, well then your problem, I'm just giving my opinion. Dragonball Unlimated : Weak Saga Now I'm not going to re-read the fan fiction again, it's too large and I can't really tell what the writer tries to say most of the time, but I'll try to give a more fair review and my new review will be based on the things I said in my original review. Also I'm only reviewing the weak saga here. Lets get started: Pros: #Well I couldn't find many actual pros, although a big gathering of past villains sounds good in theory. #The title sounds good, it kinda reminds me of Spider Man Unlimited. #I don't know why would anyone name a saga weak, I'm sure it's based on the weak villains. Now I find this as a pro, for only one reason, it sounds like a parody of the actual DB sagas from the series. You know, in which theres always a stronger villain. Cons: #Well the obvious one, is the bad writing, too many spelling and grammar mistakes, lack of paragraphs and commas. #The story is hard to follow, because it's not organized properly. #The writing seems to be rushed, as in some parts Gohan is misspelled Rohan and in others Gohan's name is almost properly spelled(No capitals).(I'm not sure whether Rohan is another character or not). #Lack of capitals. #Too unoriginal to work. We had old villains(both strong and weak) getting out of hell and back on earth attacking and rampaging, two times already, in the movie Fusion Reborn and in Dragon Ball GT(Super 17 Saga). Plus the Ginyu force coming back, has happened two times already, in filler and both arcs were very uninteresting and not to mention they were parody characters to begin with. Theres another unoriginal thing about the story, but I've already mentioned it in my first review. #Not really a con, but it's confusing of how the full story is on a different page and the unlimated page is only one saga. #The actual word is unlimited, not unlimated. Final Thoughts: While the story is badly written, is hard to follow what's going on and the villains are not interesting, I think the writer of the story was actually trying to make something new and interesting, though he/she fails in execution. You can't really make a story be interesting, when you're copying from the existing material(almost identical copy), unless you create something new and different, people will not want to read it. Also even if the plot(the little bit I can understand from the fan fic) was good, with bad writing, not proper grammar, lack of organization and all in all a rushed effort, people won't even bother to read through the end. Score: 3.5/20 Dragonball Unlimated on one page From what I understand, my second review had too many points, that were the same as the ones from my first review(they were both of unlimited, though the second was of the full story). So lets get started: 'Chapter 1:' See the above review. 'Chapter 2:' Boy this already seems like a rushed story. Pros: #I guess Piccolo taking a rock and turning it, into some kind of metal. #The super Nameks sound interesting, only sounds interesting(kinda reminds me of 900.500) Cons(mostly WTF section): #Legendary Super Namek Gohan. Since when Gohan is namek? Isn't Super Namek just a term for Piccolo? Ascend to what? #LSS10. - When did Vegeta reach that level? When were the other 9 forms introduced? Is that a Broly reference? #Can't tell whether the story is talking about a training or a fight. Seriously WTF? What did Goku say? This is just random # Is the story about Gohan and Piccolo? About Vegeta and Goku? About the time chamber? The gravity room? I don't understand. Final Thoughts: Not only the writing didn't improve from the first chapter, it actually got worse(which could be a warning of things to read later), it talks a lot about random things, changes characters too quickly, in other words the story has bad pacing. It was never explained why they're training(it didn't actually explain anything). The whole combination of characters, forms and training, is a big clusterfuck, the writing got even lazier and all an all this chapter is a pefect example of something lost in translation(because I'm not sure if this fan fiction is in English). Score: 1/20 'Chapter 3:' Pros: #''if my spelling is bad ill improve on it ''- thank you. #Some other LSS forms are mentioned. #I can understand it a bit more than the other chapters. Cons: #For the writing I have already given my opinion, although it seems just a tiny bit improved. #Broly survining: Broly again, his only good movie was the first one, we don't need to see him again sorry what? Is the writer a character inside the fan fiction? Is this a dialogue of what a character said? If it is, the writing is just messed up. #No explanation was given, as to when the fighters reached LSS forms 1-3. so is Broly a SS5 or lss3, this line is just messed up. #Was the fight on Namek? Who made the wish to Shenron, or the other Dragon(what's his name, oh yeah Porunga)? #No explanation was given for any of these: What exactly happened in the story? Where did the story take place? Why did Goku and Vegeta turn lss1 and lss2, if Goku was mentioned to be a LSS10 in the previous arc? When did the fight took place? #I can hardly understand what the writer is saying, after the first part of the chapter. Final Thoughts: Yet another nonsense, was made into an arc, at least it wasn't as bad as the previous one. All an all the writing doesn't really improve and it still seems rushed and a complete disappointment. Although to be fair, I don't think any reader would bother reading past chapter one. Score: 2/20 'Chapter 4:' Will if I went this far, why not. Pros: #Well I guess the chapter is a bit more understandable, I mean I can almost understand what the author writes, for one part of the chapter at least. Cons: #For the writing, I stand about what I said before, it's messed up and rushed. #Gohan crying when Vegeta and Goku arrived, with no explanation given. Also if he was expecting them to get on the planet, why was he crying? #Planet Gohan(was in some of the other chapters, forgot to mention it) #The rest of the story: something about Supreme Kai, Nail, training, Piccolo, suddenly talking about Yamcha and Tien training the earthlings, when earth was almost not mentioned through out the other chapters. Final Thoughts: Well mostly what I said in my cons and the other chapters, so far. Just to give my overall thoughts, this fan fiction is beyond saving. Score:1.5/20 'Chapter 5:' Oh boy. Pros: #Nothing at all. Cons: #The entire chapter doesn't make sense. #It's too short to be called a chapter. #Random characters never seen before on any chapter, are mentioned. #It's not explained in what year this story takes place, or how old are the characters, or when did Pan have a son. WTF Bulma is not even a fighter, why are they training? #Overal awful writing and a rushed nonsensical plot. Final Thoughts: It's just the worst chapter yet, but I'm sure there are worst chapters later. Score:0/20 'Chapter 6': At least the next chapter is small. Pros: #Can't find any, I tried. Cons: #Pretty much the whole chapter is a huge con(I'll get to why, in the next con), you just can't write such crap, even if you try. #Well the random things that I can remember are: Gohan restoring some planet(random), the time chamber is mentioned for some reason(random), something about Bulma helping Vegeta and Goku become Super Saiyans(random), Rohan reaching SSJ2 and USSJ2, like Gohan did against Cell(which form does he mean, ssj2 which is correct or ussj2?) Who the fuck is Rohan? #Blasts being fired at a random point of the story, without any mention of a fight, or any mention that I can spot. #Pretty much all non canon, never befored mentioned, Super Saiyan forms. Seriously what the hell is Ultimate Super Saiyan 2? Final Thoughts: You know what they say, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything. Score:0/20 - 'Chapter 7': Fortunately the athor seems to be getting lazier, so the chapters are smaller from now on, especially this one, if something like this can actually be called a chapter. Pros: #I dare you to find one. Cons: #This is not a chapter, this is a stub page. #I can not understand anything anymore, so I'll just comment on the text:After rohans hidden powers awakteing rohan began to wake up and see he was on a other planet then he saw gohan ##see? Do you mean she? Does this mean Rohan(whoever that is) is a girl? ##Or what do you mean by see he was? see what? ##awakteing? I don't know what awakteing is, but I'm pretty sure this is poor spelling of awakening. ##roxan began to wake up? So was Rohan sleeping? #''He began to ask gohan what happened gohan decide not to tell him then he said it time for him and rohan to train and to become sms so it began.'' ##I must admit I wonder what is happening as well, mainly in the story. ##Say to him what? ##What time for him? ##and he become sms so it began? Well I guess this pleases.. the twitter and IPhone fans, talking about texting your way into a battle. #''back on the planet were goku and the others were train it began right after gochan grabed the wave something just hit him it began he began to become a ssj 2 but not as powerful as rohans then he began to become a lssj'' ##Random forms again. ##Awful writing. ##The whole text is a con. Final Thoughts: You can't write this kind of garbage, if you try. Score: -1/20 'Chapter 8:' Words are futile for this story. Pros: #The usual, theres not any. Cons: #Everything pretty much, but I'll mention some specific things. #We got another Gohan pun named character in this chapter, Gochan, or rather he was mentioned in an earlier chapter.. I don't know, the story is really hard to follow. #Future Trunks was mentioned, or appeared for some bogus reason. ##After some point Future Trunks was simply referred to as F Trunks(lazy writing, on an already crappy story, I'm amazed), or the brilliant creator of unlimated introduced us to Fucker Trunks(I can censor it if it bothers anyone) # but he thought how useless he be if he cant become lssj so he transformed to a lssj vegta -''The text speaks for itself. #''others enter gochan and buma were so excited that when they went on the floor they fell then broly went far away with future trunks then F trunks ''- This is nonsense. #Broly appeared again, though I'm not even sure what role Broly plays in the stor... whatever that fan fic is called. #F Trunks transforming through forms, SSJ5? So we get the popular AF form. '''Final Thoughts': F**** Trunks rocks, on a side note the story couldn't suck more. Score: 1/20 'Chapter 9': I don't know, I just want to finish the review. Pros: #Don't lie to yourself, theres none. Cons: #''Piccolo came in the middle of gohan and rohan also the other 2 z fighters gohan and rohan were train in sms1 form'' ##Came in middle of what now? ##SMS 1 form: There goes that texting power again. ##Since when Rohan is a Z Fighter? #Gohan and Rohan fighting in some Super Human Form 1, for some reason. #Training yet again, it's like in every chapter they train, don't they ever fight? Or you know do something actually useful. #''so gohan gave them metal block piccolo, tien,chaitzou,nail,rohan said'' ##Metal what now? #''said that the new guys do the basic but the others will do level 2 of the training the new guys started whispering that this is what they went through gohan gave the new guys the metal block then told the girls to start hiting them with kai blastes'' ##Whispering? ##What girls? What are the names? When were they introduced in the stor..? ##Level 2? Where did level 1 go? Final Thoughts : I don't have any thoughts on this, it's just utter nonsense. Score:0/20 'Chapter 10': And the nonsense continues in chapter 10. Pros: #None, but to me the pro is, that theres only one chapter left for me to review. Cons: #''After every bodies 2 months of training it was time to go back to earth so piccolo and the nameks ascended but before nail and the nameks leave gohan'' ##I guess they just trained their bodies, or maybe the athor meant to say: everybody's training. ##2 months? I guess when theres no villain they have time to train. ##I know I didn't mention this in other chapters, since I ws not sure what he meant by Nail, but isn't Nail supposed to be fused permanently with Piccolo? #Unlimated Namek(The spelling should be unlimited Namek by the way)? #I guess either that was the whole purpose of the title of the fan fic, or he/she just thought, I have the name in the title, why not?. #So after the ridiculous Super Namek(which was just another name given to Piccolo, because of his power.) we get introduced to Unlimated Namek, which is not clear whether he/she is a form, or a character and why exactly he/she appeared in the story all of the sudden. #''the power was so strong when powering up with no transformation it plow up the planet but it go restored his power is have of a lssj5 next was tein'' ##Plow up? What was uncovered from the planet exactly? ##LSSJ5- Lame. # the others went back to earth while there gohan just had a supices smile goku and the others then arrive at kamis place they greeted each other both of the groups cloths were tarred goku also had the same smile like gohan and vegeta they said are you ready and he said oh yeah. ##Who smiled now? ##Same smile like Gohan and Vegeta? I don't get it, do they all have similar smile? #Anyway the whole chapter is a con. Final Thoughts: Waste of time. Score: 0/20 'Chapter 11(Final)': This is the end to my long journey and I must say... I didn't have fun at all. Pros: #None. Cons: #''When powering up a big shock waves bursted and he became a sms2 he became so powerful that he decided to not to transform to higher levels or it will blow up the earth'' ##So he became an sms2 because a big wave bursted? WTF! ##Sms2....? I guess that means double text power to the rescue. ##So I guess turning to sms3 would be too much for the planet, well phones are dangerous. #''Next up as Gochan he began powering up his hair started flickering yellow and black also his eyes then his power was growing so strong that when he was about to turn into a LSS 3 Goku said stop or else he'll blow up the earth as well Goku said it goes for the others as well.'' ##LSS3? Again if Goku was a LSS10 in an earlier chapter, why would he transform to LSS3? ##So I suppose that flickering transformation could be sms3? # Buma was next his power seemed equal to the other boys then it was the adults turn but before goku said lets take to a another planet were we wil all power up.IN the H.F.L ##Take/talk(whatever he meant) it to another planet? I'm lost, in which planet were they in the first place? Where will they go? Were they fighting someone? #The rest is just nonsense, something about Piccolos Cells that are in Cell and some other villains. Final Thoughts: My mind has shrink after reading this. Score:0/20 'General:' Finally I've finished with this review! Pros: #Mostly the things I mentioned in the weak saga, but I'm sure I'm going to find more(I was naive when I started reviewing this). #''Chapter 12: To be released.. Hopefully it never will be released. #The title warns you. Cons: #Everything I have mentioned in other chapters and the whole writing/grammar/spelling setting and everything really, all of them are cons. '''Final Thoughts': Lazy writing, bad grammar/spelling ect, hard to follow story and overall an awful fan fiction. I'm not going to read this fan fiction again, I'm sure about this. Score: 1.4/20 Dragon Ball: Impact Lets get started: Since I'm not sure how to start the review, because this is the first decent fan fiction that I'm reviewing, I mean unlimated was just a nonsense, easy for anyone to pick the bad points of the story. In any case I'll start with some general pros, before going to review chapter by chapter. Pros: #The Dragon Ball: Impact title sounds cool. #I like the fact that you can add your own character(although that could be with every roleplaying fan fiction.) #10.000 years after GT sounds cool, even though I would prefer if this was after Z and it didn't include GT. The whole Red Ribbon army creating Androids to rule the world thing, reminds me of the future in Terminator, although I'm pretty sure that the original Android Saga from Z were Terminator inspired. Characters : Now I know that this area of the story is made by more than one people, but.. well whatever it doesn't matter. Pros: #Yajirobe being a part of the story sounds good, I liked him a lot on the first Dragon Ball series. There some cons about this character, which I'm going to mention in the con list.(If he's the original character). #''Maiz-(Zeon1)'' - The character sounds interesting, just a bit, although just having all the Super Saiyan forms doesn't mean anything, a litle more back story would by nice though. #''Vegetate:(SS11)''- A Vegeta being revived and turned into an Android sounds interesting and it also seems Star Wars inspired, you know the whole Darth Vader story.There some cons about this character, which I'm going to mention in the con list. #''Android 1000-(Kameron esters-)''- A last Android that resurrected Dr Gero and is responsible for the whole war, sounds a lot interesting, although a follower bringing his master back to life, has been done many times, in many series. Being a copy of Trunks sounds ironic, since in the DBZ series, he was responsible for changing the future for the better(at least the main timeline's future), but this Android is responsible for the war that occurred. There some cons about this character, which I'm going to mention in the con list. Cons: #''Trayan-(Kameron esters-)- Pan and Trunks having a son just sounds weird. #''22- (Lise) ''-Aside from a bad spelling of original, in the info of the character, this 22 character just sounds boring and uninspired. We had triple fusions like this on other fan fictions and random fan fic pages all around wikia, besides theres no purpose for that, I mean there Androids why would they fuse, their creator can just merge them. Ultimate most powerful Android may sound cool, but a fusion of all three Androids isn't really anything, without an explanation as to why there fused. #''Maiz-(Zeon1) Theres not much backstory about this character, or how he got involved in the war. #''Vegetate'' The name sounds lame. #''Brocc'' not much backstory about the character, the character also sounds very similar to Maiz. #''Android 1000'' - The name is not very original, but not really a big con. #Yajirobe - He has no story, or explanation of how he's involved in the story and how can Yajirobe still be alive after 10.000?(If he's the original character.). #''Hell Fighter 17''- Android 17 was not a very interesting character to begin with, one of the interesting things he did was killing Gero, taking that from him really hurts the character. #''Dr.Gero'' - I know he's supposed to be like the main villain of the story, or something, but he's one of the worst and most boring characters, in the whole Dragon Ball Z/GT anime/manga. #''Gozon (Gozon): Father of Goku Jr. and daughter of Pan'' That just sounds bizarre, is the character like both female and male?(weird) Final Thoughts: Some characters are good, some are mediocre, some are boring or irrelevant and some are downright weird. All in all it's a mixed bag. Score: 11.5/20 Saga 1 Chapter 1: Agenda Pros: #I guess one pro is that it shows how the whole story begins, kinda like an origin story. I really don't know. I couldn't find many pros for the story and I hardly consider this one to be much of a pro. #I guess the fact that the Red Ribbon Army wants to conquer the world, is consistent to the original Dragon Ball story(although they don't look for the Dragon Balls like they did in the anime/manga. Cons: #The story isn't that original and the whole Androids attacking the city, reminds me too much of the start, of the Android saga. #The grammar and spelling is poor, many words were misspelled repeatedly. #Half of the fight between the Androids and the good guys(I guess), is them throwing curses at each other and debating about comebacks and how Vegetate is the prince of all Saiyans. #The story isn't very interesting. #What's this whole thing with Android 17's stomach "whole"(It's hole, not whole, whole is another word) #Too much vulgar language for no reason at all, which certainly didn't happen in the original anime/manga, I don't really have any problem with cursing, but the cursing in the dialogue seems to be there for no reason. For example this line: How dare you talk to us so disrespectfully you bitching peice-of-shit!We'll put you in your rightful place:Being our Master's bitch. , is just too much, I guess those Androids got a cursing program. Also this line is another example of bad spelling, it's piece not peice. #Who the heck are Androids 1 and 2? #The dialogue isn't really that good. #I can't really tell whose winning in this fight. Final Thoughts:The story isn't very interesting, the immature dialogue between the characters and the poor spelling/grammar doesn't help it. Score: 10.5/20 Chapter 2: Day of Reckoning Pros: #Don't know, there's not anything that I liked about this chapter. Cons: #The bad spelling is still here. #The writing is a bit off. #The dialogue is still immature. #The story is hard to follow. #The story seems to be very rushed. Final Thoughts: The story is hard to follow, the bad grammar along with the immature dialogue certainly doesn't help it and the fact that the story is rushed just adds to the cons. Also theres some nonsense in the dialogue, that makes me wonder if I'm reading unlimited all over again. Overall I didn't like the chapter. On a sidenote I'm surprised that f***** is censored, considering that other curse words are not. Score: 7/20 Chapter 3: Robot Redemption Pros: #Nothing really, the story doesn't interest me at all. Cons: #The nonsense(a bit) and the bad spelling continues on chapter 3. #''occidere vobis iterum'' : I just wanted to ask about this, what the hell does this line mean? #Why is Harry Potter mentioned out of nowhere? #Why are the characters in this fiction so much obsessed with cursing? And even those are misspelled at times, example:Yuor mine now,bitch. , seriously now? If you are going to put curses all the time, at least spell them right, or use correct grammar.'' The correct sentence : you're my(I'm not going to say the rest).'' #The fiction is not really that polished and feels like a giant mess. Score: 6/20 Saga 2 Chapter 4: The Towers Pros: Cons: #Still has nonsense. #Still has bad grammar/spelling. 'General:' I'll just give my final thoughts on this fan fiction: After checking the story again I've some thoughts on it. First the story isn't anything special and the way it's written makes it very hard for me to care to read it, the grammar and spelling is bad to awful, the overall structure of the fan fiction is unappealing to the eye, it's just bad. Overall this is not a good fan fiction, nor a fan fiction that I would bother to read if it wasn't for the review. Score:6.5/20 to be edited...